If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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