I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
