Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
