mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
