we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
