YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
