There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
