Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
