thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
