at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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