I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
