She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
