Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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