i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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