She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
