I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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