i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
