Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
