how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
