i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
