do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
