just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
