how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
