Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
