ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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