I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
