I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
