No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
another moral hangover. fuck.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize