I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
