I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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