she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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