Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
