how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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