I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
