And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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