Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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