We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize