Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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