There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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