I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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