My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
