Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
