Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
