Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
