I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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