i think my mom watched the whole time
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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