It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He kissed a someone with a penis
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
