Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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