dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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