Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
