yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
