The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
