This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
