So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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