The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize