I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
