FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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