Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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