clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
