We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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