its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
