I have demons in me.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So vagazzling was a success
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
