he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
