My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
