whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
