I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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