im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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