dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
