We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
