Already got asked if we're dating
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
