the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
