Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
