She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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