So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
